Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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