I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize