when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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