Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
