he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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