that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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