I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize