tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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