I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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