what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
