WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
