oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
