I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
