At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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