Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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