my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dicks are not precious.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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