if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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