how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
