She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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