Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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