Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I forgot how hot balto sounded
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We don't watch enough power rangers
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
