Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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