I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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