and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
