dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
