AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
