people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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