grandma shit on top of the toilet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
