Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize