I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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