You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
