and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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