Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
