well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
