I hate your face
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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