You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
