The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
