Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize