i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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