Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
