pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
