I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
