This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
