I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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