I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
