I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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