Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
