I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
