shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
