Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
