So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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