Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You pole danced in your parka.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
His nipple licking is glorious
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