dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
