Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
