Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
