apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
