Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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