Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize