i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
