he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
