I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
