so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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