His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
