Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
