it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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