I must be too annoying 4 u.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
