But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
