I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
