I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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