I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
