I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I fill condoms, not promises.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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